October 2001 Obituaries
-October 6th, 2001-
With another passing month, more poor souls pass. In the past six days, many of the dearly departed have lost their lives, and for some strange reason, no newspaper or Television station dares to report these bizarre deaths. Although it's only been six days since the month started... come on! The people must know of who has been lost. And by chrikey, since no one else will, it's all up to me! I love being a hero. Please note that the names and occupations of each of the now departed have been suplied, to allow everyone the ability to fascinate over how beautiful or ugly the person was and then proceed to laugh.
Shinji Mikami, Producer of the Resident Evil/Biohazard series. Death unknown. Was reportedly invited to a Nintendo mansion over a month ago, and hasn't been seen since.
Mariah Carrey, Female Vocalist. Went into coma and never awoke after watching a screening of her new movie, Glitter, for the first time.
Luigi Mario, Plumber. Murdered brutally with a Sledge Hammer by an unknown assailant, reportedly wearing a red cap and giggling profusely.
Carrot Top, Comedian. Killed, revived, and killed again by multiple assailants. Process still currently being repeated.
Lou Pearlman, Boy Band Creator. Attempted his final ploy at world domination, and was put to rest by the musical talents of Aaron Carter.
Aaron Carter, Boy Vocalist. Killed by his own singing after killing Lou Pearlman.
Shenron 19, Webmaster, Little Ryo. Died while trying to imitate his favorite Canadian Super Hero, Captain Canada, by fake-flying around Canadian providences with a red jumpsuit & helmet. Shot with The Gun by The Police Officer.
Ted Turner, owner of Turner Broadcasting. Drowned while swiming in Bill Gates' money.
Bill Gates, owner of Microsoft. Drowned while swiming in Ted Turner's money.
Meri, Webmaster, Temple of Trunks. Found lying dead in a pool of her own bodily fluids, naked, with an Extra Large Super Size Trunks Action Figure in her right hand.
John Travolta, Actor. Suggested to Dreamworks an idea for a movie that involved mixing Grease, Battlefield Earth, and Saturday Night Fever together. Was thrown out of the building. Literally.
Link, Hyrulian Hero. Disembowled self after realizing he'd be changed into a Power Puff Girl for the latest Gamecube title.
Emotion Eric, Webmaster, Emotion Eric. Died while trying to imitate the emotion "Eric while stabbed with a meat cleaver through the head".
Michael "Fu@# Off" Rippey, Webmaster, KMAMF!. Ran over by his Grandma's Car as it became posessed by his many, many victims.
Britney Spears, Female Vocalist. Realized just what sex really was, and attempted to send herself back in time to fix her ways by jumping head-first into an opened sewer manhole.
Mr.E, Webmaster, Planet Namek. The only person capable of quoting the protagonist of the movie Groundhog's Day by saying "I've been killed so many times, I don't even feel it anymore".
ReeseX, Webmaster, DB-V. Attempted to initiate Project Eh on his own, and was punished for his insubordination by high-level Canadian Super Soldiers.
Daovonnaex, Evil Swede. Has been taken down numerious times by law enforcement and millitary forces of various types, but still manages to somehow survive and continue his diabolical scheme of World Domination. Rumored to be immortal.
Shigisato Itoi, Earthbound/Mother Series Creator. Struck down by Unassuming Local Guys and Retro Hippies wielding Cracked Bats & Frying Pans over another Mother 3 dispute.
Conan O'Brien, Comedian. Eaten alive by his own hair.
Joe Lieberman, Politician. Swore profusely at a crowd of Kindergardeners, causing a massive tidalwave of children to stampede over him like cattle.
Grand Master Dragon, Webmaster, Little Ryo. Tried to have sex. Spontaneously combusted.
-Grand Master Dragon
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