| |
The Adventures of Lolo Review
I remember these three games well from my childhood. Never had I gotten a chance to try my hand at them, considering my I.Q. wasn't capable of fathoming puzzles at the time, but I remember them. Oh yes. One thing's for sure, I've stared at that blue ball enough, perhaps more than a male should. Get your mind out of the gutter.
Back in the day, when the day was still saved by cutesy characters who had to do more than just grab the power-up and win the game to get a kiss from the Princess(no sir, they had to beat giant turtles and solve puzzles!), a lil' blue fellow by the name of Lolo got his girlfriend kidnapped by a very evil man. This successfully launched his career, yet he somehow wishes to seek... revenge against him. Why he torments the guy, I don't know, but I'll get into that later. Anyway, Lolo just so happens to be the wimpiest Blue Ball Person in the world, and only has the ability to use magic shots, bridges, hammers, and arrows to defend himself. He also just so happens to be living in a world where each building is home to increasingly-challenging puzzles, no matter what type of structure it is. They're just everywhere. That HAS to be annoying when completing simple weekly/daily tasks, but judging by Lolo's appearance, I'd have to say he doesn't get out much anyway. If I were him I'd consider getting a C.A.T. Scan every once in awhile, because all that puzzle-solving on a day-to-day basis HAS to be making his brain turn inside-out.
So ANYWAY... this evil "Devil" bugs the hell out of Lolo and his sweetheart, Lala, throughout three whole NES games, and by the third, Lala's pretty pissed herself, so she joins in as well. And now, the Trilogy that is LOLO.
The Adventures of Lolo
Playing 2 before 1, I didn't exactly go in chronological order, and by doing so I quickly realized how sequels were done in the old days; this was easy. Remarkable, simple child's play for the majority of the game. The few brain-busters there were came towards the end, and even then I was hardly troubled by them. The original set the stage for the total frustration and annoyance that came with the sequels, so I guess they can't go wrong there.
 The graphics were also a major de-evolution as well. The palettes are slightly a-skew, and alot of Lolo's SWORN ENEMIES look alot goofier than their later counterparts. Speaking of sworn enemies, Lolo is also home to the greatest enemy known to man... The Snakey. Sure, he may SEEM tame, and innocent, and he won't even hurt you throughout any of the games-- but trust me, he's deadly. As you explore the rooms, he watches, staring, with his cold, emotionless eyes, psychotically, just waiting... for you to turn him in to an egg with a magic shot. Oh, he KNOWS the innocent act will fool you, so don't let it. He's even watching you right now. He's watching ME right now, and I'm not even playing the game. He's everywhere. Like "The Matrix", except green.
As for the sound, I'll just say it once: it's the exact same. In every game. The only slight difference might be in the jingle we hear play 8 million times(which is why it's best to just shut the speakers off and listen to music, which is definetely alot more relaxing than BEEP-BEEP-BEEP while trying to dodge a Medusa), but other than that, practically idenical.
1 had a great deal of addictiveness to it, but with only 9 floors(six of which were a breeze) to play through, it was too short for my tastes.
By reaching the end of the game, we are treated to Lolo popping "Devil" with a couple magic shots, getting his girlfriend back, and reclaiming the castle. OH HAPPY DAYS!
The Adventures of Lolo 2
Again, with the losing of the girlfriend to "Devil"! What does this guy have against Pink Ball Girls? What does Lolo have against the guy who started his career?! These questions and more shall be answered.
Lolo 2 immediately beseaches to us the message in big bold letters: IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING, YOU WILL GET VERY, VERY MAD AT THIS GAME. The level of difficulty increased, it's a bit more interesting this time around, as we travel through a tower just so we can take an airship to the end of the game. Yes, that's right, you're proceeding through a tower to get to a ship. You'd think Lolo would look into his options a bit more before wasting more time than necessary while "Devil" is probably fondling Lala(it's not like he kidnaps her to do his taxes, now is it?), but again, I refer you to Brain Damage. The puzzles from the first, no matter how easy they seemed, apparently took a toll on poor Lolo's cranium. By the time 3 was finished, Lolo was pronounced dead.
With the added amount of levels and challenge, it makes things a bit more interesting than the prior Lolo installment, and sure as heck makes it longer. Liked it.
This time around, "Devil's" castle was placed conveniently in the sky, and this time, he ain't falling for the old "Shoot you twice you die" trick! OH NO, this time, he wants to fight for his prized Pink Ball Girl. So by reaching the end, Lolo has to blast at "Devil" with infinite magic shots until he dies. Then for his greatly obscure efforts, Lolo not only gets his girlfriend back like last time, but he also gets a kiss! Holy cow, that's some HOT Ball People ACTION.
The Adventures of Lolo 3
Lala's around this time, so you can tell things are really screwed up. "Devil" has apparently gotten tired of the wench, so he just decided to take over the world this time. So it's up to the L's to save the day. And THIS TIME, the ladies can play with Lala. Wow.
There really isn't much to say that wasn't said about the others; just more levels, alot more gameplay, and a hell of alot more challenging. Grandpa Lolo's around this time as well, due to Lolo's frequent brain tumors, causing him to take classes to remind him of what he can and can't do. It's sad, really. Lolo could have been a star. But instead, he ends up on VH1's Behind the Game Sad Stories. He was killed not by the booze, not by the drugs, or the Sexually Transmitted Diseases, but by his own career. The poor lil' guy just didn't have the endurance to make it in the business. It happens. But, we gotta move on. As for Lala, she still makes a living as a prostitute in low-brow Hyrule Bars, selling herself to Moblins. It's a living.
As for the ending, I'm still working on it, so just make up an ending in your head. It shouldn't be too hard, with the amount of predictability and happiness of NES game endings. Unless, of course, you're playing "Clash at Demonhead" and enter the wrong combination, at which point you are simply prompted with a "The End" screen, mountain residing in the background with no one on it. This symbolizes the world blew up. I get it.
-Grand Master Dragon
|
|
Articles 
