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The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends Review
Remembering this game from childhood was bad enough. I recall thinking, as a 7-year old, that this game was terrible. Even then, I could realize that without even having to get a chance to play it. And yet, for some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to give it a shot recently. Maybe I was looking for something to do, maybe laughs, probably sheer terror-- I really haven't been truely scared since CARRIER, the SPOOKIEST video game on the face of the earth. But regardless of what that reason was, if there even was any, I decided I would give THQ's masterpiece for the old NES a shot. Afterwords, I felt like giving myself a shot.
Graphics. THQ went all out to make sure we're provided with the best 2nd Grade artwork available. Actually, I think they used their second or third choices instead. I've seen 2nd Graders that could draw better than this, and I'm assuming THQ saw this and said "Hey, kid in the back eatting paste and looking up 'sex' in the dictionary-- show us your pictures!". It was after this that they had everything they needed to make the graphics(as well as everything else) for The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends. 0/10.
 Gameplay. Nothing can top the non-stop hours of fun that is running around as a jerky, uncontrollable moose who throws bombs at enemies and picks up keys! Travelling about in what appears to be just one never-ending stage with sub areas in it, Bullwinkle can jump, and bend down occasionally, and hit things with his horns when it doesn't cause him to get hurt. This results in the most diverse gameplay ever imaginable, and really makes you wonder how THQ could have thought of sheer brilliance like this back then. Oh yeah, and you can pick up soda-pop cans for points! Simply amazing. 1/10.
Plot. The overwhelming story goes a little something like this: Bullwinkle needs to get from Canada to Saudia Arabia(or somewhere near that, I suppose) to recieve his "inheritance". What this mysterious "inheritance" is nobody really knows. I'm assuming it consists of many broken magic hats, containing the remains of many dead rabbits, and a $10 Gift Certificate for use at the Flying Squirrel Strip Club. Bullwinkle as we all know has been trying to get into Rocky's pants for years, and he couldn't pass up this oppurtunity in the slightest, even if it meant only getting to see a bit of Rocko's fine squirrel legs & chest. Or making a crappy video game. 1/10.
 Sound. This is where TAORABAF truely leaves a mark. As an 8 second MIDI-esque jingle plays in the background, over and over, and over and over, and over once again, and again, and again, we get the sense of surrealness and tranquility as it's beauty shines onto us like Ambrosia. Quite an experience. 1/10.
Replay Value. I get the sense that anyone would LOVE to get another shot at this. I mean, come on-- who WOULDN'T want to play through an entire game of this, with such a magnitude and power it has? End of story. 1.5/10.
Final Thought/Overall Rating
To be quite honest, TAORABAF is quite possibly the worst game created by THQ, next to Quest 64 or many of the fine Wrestling games they spewed out in recent years. Never in my life did I imagine it was possible for a game to have such terrible controls, graphics, and everything else that typically associates itself with the creation of a video game. However, I suggest everyone to go and play it, and try to beat it for that matter. Bullwinkle's dream has to be fulfilled by someone. 0/10.
-Grand Master Dragon
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