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Video Game Hell
-September 18th, 2001-
As the upcoming fall draws near, or as the business type and nerds refer to it as "Fourth Quarter", an obvious apparition begins to loom it's head over us: new Video Games. Yeah, you know them all already... Nintendo's Gamecube, Microsoft's X-Box, and Sony's Playstation 2. Whatever you want to call them, they all go buy one code name: The Money Eating Machines. And so, Video Game Hell begins. While other sites and gamers sit around debating which one they're going to buy, or which ones they won't, or which ones they'll beg their parents over money for, or which system(s) they'll sell to buy one of the new ones, or which new ones they'll sell two years from now to buy the NEW new ones, I'd like to idenify the shortcomings and overall crap that's coming from all of this.
First, we have Nintendo's newest "jewel", The Gamecube. A purple box with Mario and all his other wacky Nintendo character friends in it. How nice. About a week ago, I'd say that the Gamecube would turn out to be like it's predecessor, targetting the lil' kiddies and anyone with enough balls to play Conker's Bad Fur Day. I'd also say that they've got some stiff competition amung the two other expensive consoles, and probably would end up going the way of the Dreamcast. Nintendo would finally be dead. Hoorah.
...But then I heard the announcement about Capcom shaking hands with them.
 Forming a potent bond of evil with the same company that allowed such horrors as Quest 64 and The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends to come about, Capcom officially reved up the engine that is the descent into hell by allowing the Biohazard series to be exclusive only to the Gamecube. Not only that, but proclaimed that the majority of the original titles will be remade on the system. This isn't exactly terrible, considering the original appears to have been greatly improved upon, but it's very obvious; Capcom has turned it's back on the system that made a home for the series to begin with. Money is indeed the root of all evil. Now the Gamecube has quite possibly one of the greatest original video game series that is intended for someone over the age of 11, making themselves actually marketable to more than just fourth graders. Hey, at least they're smart, which is more than I can say for Capcom.
Next, we have the X-Box, governed by the guy they got the idea to create Monopoly from: Bill Gates. Personally, I haven't heard of any titles that would interest most anyone in particular; just the typical collection of sports games and Bill Gates' ramblings about how they've got the rights to make lots of "The best games". "The people will want the games, and we'll have them". Uh huh. Right Bill. Why don't you go take a dip in your Pool of Dimes and eat at McDonalds like a good Billionaire? Some might say that this could be Microsoft's big chance to dive into the Video Game industry and pull it by the horns like Sony did 5 years ago, but it's come to my understanding that lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice. Especially when Sony dealt with Entertainment as a whole, while Microsoft's been slaving at computers for the past 21 years so much that the last video game any of them have ever played was probably Pitfall.
 Probably the only new-age system that shows the slightest bit of promise is the already-released Sony Playstation 2, which manages to continue on with the most diverse amount of titles and what-not. So far it's the only system I've seen advertise and release at least somewhat promising RPGs, and in this day and age, that's a blessing. The only problem is finding one. It's been over a year now, and one still cannot walk into a store and buy one casually(unless you have... connections). If the stock of them would just increase, perhaps there actually is a system that will live through this upcoming Hell.
...Oh yeah, and uhh, Sega... Yeah, them. They're making video games or something for somebody and supposedly will be making more money than they did before. Yay for Sega. That's what they said about the Dreamcast as well to begin with, but hey, whatever they say...
Finally, while not dealing with any specific system whatsoever, the Video Game industry as a whole(apparently), in light of the situation that unfolded last week, announced recently that they'll be cracking down on games that have anything to do with hijacking, New York City, or people from Afghanistan. This is of course to prevent more people from believing fiction is reality, causing them to go on a fit of rampage, marching up and down the street waving an American flag left to right while singing America the Beautiful off-key. I guess I can't blame them. If it's one thing I've learned just by working on this site, it's "fiction=reality".
I personally don't intend on buying any of them anytime soon, as I don't exactly have $300+ dollars to spend on video games and even if I did, I'd be stocking up on games that I've missed out on in the past year and saving back a good $40 for Shenmue. Yes, Hell will begin within the coming monthes, and thankfully I won't be involved with any of it. After seeing people camping outside for days just to get their hands on a black box that plays new Sony video games last year, I have no intention of participating in a game of Video Game Survivor outside of Wal-Mart. I'll stick to my NES at the moment, which I clench to my bosom like a weakened child. Oh God, now I've gone and scared everyone away by talking about my bosom...
-Grand Master Dragon
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