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The Completely-Misleading Guide to Resident Evil- Part 2
Part 2: House thing
You're now in this brown house thingy. Our house isn't like that at all. Our house is red. Ha ha just kidding it's actually white. White is a pretty color. My sister says it's stupid though and that green is better. Then I always push her for doing that. Then she punches me. It hurts bad when she punches me. One time she punched me in the arm and it turned blue. My dad laughed when she did that and said "Ha ha! Sissae boy got bit up!". Then I started to cry. Then my sister always hits me again.
Ok now run down the hallway and go through the door on the right. It's another SAFETY ROOM!!!! Put stuff in the toy box that you don't need and take the stuff and then walk out and then go in the door on the left. Go down the hallway and beat up the mummies. Now pick up the comic book(it's red) and go through the door next to the door you came in. Comic books smell funny. The ones at our comic book store are really smelly and cost too much. I don't have any money. My sister takes the money and eats it and says "You won't get it back now, ha ha!". Then I get mad and throw up in the toilet. Our toilet is really nice. Now you're in somebody's bathroom. It's a really nice bathroom. It's alot better than our's. Hit the button in the bathtub and the mud drains out. Now pick up the black key. Now head back out and into that main hallway thing. Go down the right hallway and through the door. A GIANT SNAKE will reach up and grab YOU!!!!! I think it likes people. Just say hi really quick and he'll leave. Now keep going down the hallway and into the first door. Now run forward and to the left to see some bees singing and making honey. Bees aren't very nice usually. This one guy two houses over is called the Beeman because he eats bees with a spoon. I guess he likes to eat bees. Honey is the only yummy thing that comes from bees. I think that the army should use bees as weapons. Now run up the bees and say hi and bye really QUICK!!! Pick up the number key and run because they don't understand english and think you're saying cuss words at them. So they try to BITE YOU!!!!! Now leave and keep going down the hallway until you get to a new door and go through it. Destroy the evil mummies in here if there are any(HOPE NOT!!!!!!) and move the comic book shelves. There's a latter going down into a SECRET ROOM!!!! Go down and move the boxes so you have a bridge. Now go through the new door and swim to the right. I don't know what happens when you go left so I don't know don't try it I guess well go ahead but it might be scary. Then some SHARKS!!!! will come out and chase you. And your lasers DON'T WORK!!!!! I know this because I tried to destroy them and the shark destroyed me with one bite. That sucked. I really don't like sharks. They're mean. My mom says sharks are evil and should be always hit with a broom when you see one. I think sharks should too. But if I could ride on a shark that would be cool.
Now go in the door on the left and hit the glowing button thing. Something will happen. I don't know what happened but something does. Now go out and go in the other door. There's some powerful lasers and stuff for your laser gun and your boomstick plus ANOTHER KEY!!!!! Now go out and you'll hear some noise. I heard this noise and I screamed like a girl. My sister called me goofy when this happened and gave me a melvin. It hurt. Melvins aren't funny. They're very dangerous. Now go out and on your way you'll see the sharks dancing. I just laughed at them like this: "HA HA HA!". They weren't scary anymore and that's cool. Now go back up to the door in where the mean bees were and go in it(you have the KEY!!!). Open in and go in now put the comic book in the comic book shelf. A door opens up. Now go in and prepare to fight THE GIANT PIRAHNA PLANT!!!!!! Man it sucks how they completely ripped off Mario for this monster. Anyway beat him up with your lasers and stuff(IT'S HARD!!!!) then your boyfriend will walk in and say "man, I'm too cool to hang with this cat" or something. Then he'll melt him with his firegun. COOL!!!!!!!!!!! Then you'll kiss him he goes out. Now go over to the chimney and take the grey key. Now what do we do? We head back to the house because we need to. So go back to the house(wait, you meet up with the guy with dorky glasses first!) and go in. END OF PART 2!
On to part 3!!!
-Grand Master Dragon
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