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Pueto Sanchez Breaks His Silence: Interview
-September 22nd, 2001-
For those of you who aren't aware of the Soon-to-be Greatest Guitar Sensation in the world, Pueto Sanchez is the band leader for a little show I run that you'll probably never see broadcasted on actual television unless you happen to be passing by Jupiter. Anyway, he's not much of a talker. Actually, I don't think anyone's ever actually heard him speak. Until now.
For some odd reason, Pueto began talking for a brief amount of hours the other day. And when oppurtunity knocks, I usually answer the door and invite it in for Tea & Strumpets. So I grabbed my 1982 General Electric Cassette Recorder and went to work interviewing this great man.
...But since The Internet doesn't exactly take kindly to 18 Meg .wav files, an exact word-for-word transcript is the only option. Take note that this isn't fabricated in the slightest... this really was an interview I conducted on a 1982 General Electric Cassette Recorder. But you'll never really hear it, because even if I went out of my way to make it into compact MP3s, there's no way I'd upload 3+ meg files just so a few people would eventually download them.
Note: Interview was conducted on the ol' Wowie Zowie, which is no longer with us. Any references to it are purely coincidental. Or intentional, actually, they just won't make any sense.
Wowie Zowie: Hello, how 'ya doin'?
Pueto: Good.
Wowie Zowie: Alright, first, I want to ask you about Dragonball Z... what do you like so much about Dragonball Z?
Pueto: I like all the fighting, and all the... turning... powers. I like the powers.
Wowie Zowie: You don't like the chicks?
Pueto: Not particularly.
Wowie Zowie: You don't think blue hair is hot?
Pueto: No.
Wowie Zowie: What about Master Roshi? You like Master Roshi, don't you?
Pueto: Yes I do.
Wowie Zowie: You think Goku is hot?
Pueto: I don't judge boys.
Wowie Zowie: When was the last time you looked at Gohan in a weird way... you got a weird feeling when you looked at Gohan?
Pueto: Last week.
Wowie Zowie: Do you like Piccolo?
Pueto: Yeah, he's awesome.
Wowie Zowie: Do you think Piccolo is Squirelly?
Pueto: A little bit.
Wowie Zowie: You don't think he's Super Squirelly?
Pueto: No.
Wowie Zowie: Do you like the State of California?
Pueto: Yeah, actually I went there this past summer.
Wowie Zowie: So you like the State of California?
Pueto: Yes.
Wowie Zowie: Just for the record, you DO like the State of California?
Pueto: Yes.
Wowie Zowie: If Piccolo, and a Chimpanzee fought it out in the State of California, would... anything happen?
Pueto: It'd probably be gone.
Wowie Zowie: Are you saying a Chimpanzee could cause damage to the State of California?
Pueto: If it was big enough.
Wowie Zowie: So you're saying a big Chimpanzee would cause major damage to the State of California?
Pueto: OHHH yeah.
Wowie Zowie: You like pants?
Pueto: Pants?
Wowie Zowie: Answer the question.
Pueto: ...Yes.
Wowie Zowie: What do you think of Mike of KMAMF!? Are you afraid of him?
Pueto: I don't even know him.
Wowie Zowie: You don't know Mike Rippey?
Pueto: Oh, oh, oh, I know Mike Rippey...
Wowie Zowie: So you are afraid of him?
Pueto: Umm, not really.
Wowie Zowie: You're not afraid he's gonna run you over with his Grandma's Car?
Pueto: Now that I am afraid of.
Wowie Zowie: 'Cause y'know he has a car, and it's his Grandma's, and he could run you over with it.
Pueto: Yeah, I'm a little afraid of that.
Wowie Zowie: Do you despise the fact that he eats Frosted Flakes, but he says he hates them?
Pueto: Not really. I think you have... a freedom of choice.
Wowie Zowie: Do you think it's true that he hates Frosted Flakes, but in reality he wants to eat Raisin Bran?
Pueto: Yeah.
Wowie Zowie: What do you think is wrong with that?
Pueto: I think you should like one cereal, and eat one cereal.
Wowie Zowie: So you're saying you're prejudice against other cereals?
Pueto: Yes.
Wowie Zowie:Back to Mike's Grandma's Car... do you remember what color it was the day it "almost" ran you over?
Pueto: No.
Wowie Zowie: So you're saying it was under you?
Pueto: Yes.
Wowie Zowie:Did you happen to see the inside of the car?
Pueto: No.
Wowie Zowie: So he ran you over and you couldn't see him; you were on your back, right?
Pueto: Cold blood.
Wowie Zowie: Did he proceed to run you over several times, or did he just kinda stay over you for awhile, y'know, let the "juices flow"?
Pueto: Ummm... I can't remember, I was unconscious.
Wowie Zowie: Next topic: Mandy Moore... you like her, don't 'ya? You like her?
Pueto: She's pretty hot.
Wowie Zowie: ...Eh? Eh? Okay.
Wowie Zowie: How many times do you visit Wowie Zowie, within an interval of 100-500 times a day?
Pueto: -100.
Wowie Zowie: ...Are you saying you hate me?
Pueto:: No...
Wowie Zowie: You're sayin' you don't like the site, then?
Pueto: No, the site's great, I just don't visit it very often.
Wowie Zowie: Admit it, you hate me. You hate me, and you hate Wowie Zowie.
Pueto: No, I don't hate you.
Wowie Zowie: So you hate Wowie Zowie?
Pueto: No, I don't hate it either.
Wowie Zowie: So what are you trying to say?
Pueto: I just don't visit it very much.
Wowie Zowie: So what do you like about Wowie Zowie the most? Is it the frequent dancing crap, the women... who are never there, is it Chibi Gohan's Girl?
Pueto: Yeah, Chibi Gohan's Girl.
Wowie Zowie: You like her?
Pueto: Yeah.
Wowie Zowie: What do you like about her the most?
Pueto: She, she can't talk, I mean she's so funny to listen to, or read, I mean.
Wowie Zowie: We both know the time I tried to set you up on a date with her and that just didn't go well at all, and I don't wanna bring that up because I know, I KNOW that you don't like me to talk about it, I respect that... Do you still have a thing for her? Do you still remember the Good Times?
Pueto: Oh yeah.
Wowie Zowie: What do you remember the most about her?
Pueto: Her flowing blond hair.
Wowie Zowie: You don't remember her green shirt?
Pueto: No.
Wowie Zowie: So you're saying you never stared at her chest?
Pueto: Oh, I DID...
Wowie Zowie: So you're a sicko or something?
Pueto: Not at all.
Wowie Zowie: Then what ARE you saying?
Pueto: I'm only human!
Wowie Zowie: What do you think about the Wowie Zowie Message Board? How many times a day do you post there on average in a day? 50, 60? 100?
Pueto: About 50.
Wowie Zowie: That's funny, I don't remember ever seeing you registered there.
Pueto: I registered under an unknown name.
Wowie Zowie: That's odd, because the Message Board really doesn't have... any registered users.
Pueto: Oh.
Wowie Zowie: .......................
Pueto: ..................
Wowie Zowie: This is an awkward moment.
Pueto: *laughs histarically*
Wowie Zowie: What are you looking at me like that for?
Pueto: Heh, you're funny.
Wowie Zowie: Honestly, man to man, between me and you, just me and you... I don't think you're ready for this Jelly.
Pueto: What Jelly?
Wowie Zowie: I just DON'T THINK you're ready, for this Jelly.
Pueto: I don't know what Jelly you're talking about.
Wowie Zowie: What do you think of cows?
Pueto: Well, cows are stinky, and they poop alot-
Wowie Zowie: Why do they do that?
Pueto: Because they eat alot.
Wowie Zowie: Are you saying cows are fat?
Pueto: Yes.
Wowie Zowie: So you're insulting them, you hate fat cows?
Pueto: I love fat cows.
Wowie Zowie: Why?
Pueto: They give you hamburger.
Wowie Zowie: So a cow is only good for hamburger?
Pueto: And steak.
Wowie Zowie: So you're Anti-Cow?
Pueto: I just said I like hamburgers and steak!
Wowie Zowie: I hear you like Video Games, is that true?
Pueto: Yeah.
Wowie Zowie: Ever gotten a chance to try out Mario is Cooking?
Pueto: No.
Wowie Zowie: What kind of gamer are you?
Pueto: I'm a good gamer.
Wowie Zowie: Eh, well, anyone who hasn't played Mario is Cooking sure isn't...
Wowie Zowie: When was the last time you played Bash the Cartridge?
Pueto: Never.
Wowie Zowie: You've never played Bash the Cartridge?
Pueto: Nope, never heard of it.
Wowie Zowie: I hear you're a really big fan of NSYNC: Make a Bad Music Video, and I was just wondering if I could borrow your copy?
Pueto: Sure!
Wowie Zowie: You don't really have a copy of NSYNC: Make a Bad Music Video, do you?
Pueto: Nope.
Wowie Zowie: You're a liar.
Pueto: Yep.
Wowie Zowie: I hear you're into Voice Acting, and you want to become a professional Voice Actor?
Pueto: Mmmm, maybe-
Wowie Zowie: That's what I thought, you want to become a professional Voice Actor, you really want to do it. Could you give me your best impression of Goku?
Pueto: Okay, uhhh, let me think... ummm... I can't give a good impression because I just don't have the voice for it.
Wowie Zowie: Who DO you have the voice for?
Pueto Me.
Wowie Zowie: No, that's unacceptable, you're not a Dragonball character. Can you give me your best Vegita?
Pueto: Okay, ummmm... alright, "You're gonna die!".
Wowie Zowie: Could you give me your best impression of King Kai?
Pueto: I've never heard of King Kai.
Wowie Zowie: You've never heard of King Kai... okay then, I want you to give me your best Gohan impression.
Pueto: Okay, "Dad, where're you going?".
Wowie Zowie: I hear you do a REALLY good impression of Piccolo, and I wanted to know if you could do it here today.
Pueto: Okay, umm, *ahem*... "This earth is not safe for the likes of you!".
Wowie Zowie: Mike of KMAMF! had this statement when asked of what he thought of you, and I quote: "I'm gonna go eat my fu#$in' Frosted Flakes and when I get back you better stop fu@#in' askin' me about fu@#-nugget". What do you have to say about that?
Pueto: I don't know what he's talking about.
Wowie Zowie: So you don't refer to yourself as a fu@#-nugget?
Pueto: No.
Wowie Zowie: Why?
Pueto: ...Because, well for one thing, I'm not a nugget, and for another thing he can kiss my hairy fu@#ing butt.
Wowie Zowie: Well, I guess that's about it. It was great interviewing you. I'd shake your hand but I probably don't know where it's been. This is GMD, telling you to keep your hands on your... feet... and the sky in the... air?... look, just... don't do drugs.
-Grand Master Dragon
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