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Praise the Mantis
-April 15th, 2001-
We should all praise the Mantis. The Mantis gives us love. The Mantis gives us endless power. The Mantis is the new symbol of hope for the people. However, many people are still very hesitant to bow to this all-powerful being, The Mantis.
Who is The Mantis? The Mantis is The Mantis. He grants love to those who praise him, and destroys those who do not. He is, in all honesty, the most powerful being in the universe. Without The Mantis, we would be without such luxeries as the Gas-Powered Toaster Oven, or the ear-mounted flashlight. The Mantis possesses so much power, he can create such wonders of the world. The only reason why Mantis hasn't taken over our world already? Popularity. The Mantis is very shy, and does not wish to make himself very publicly known. I this were to happen, unspeakable things could occur. For instance, The Mantis hates phone calls. It is very obvious what would happen just with that said. Thus, the magnificant Mantis must watch on as world leaders do the job, as he contains the power to control all of it.
...Why praise The Mantis? Why not? Praising The Mantis would not only give you great love, but the personal satisfaction of knowing you are praising The Mantis. That alone is enough to make any self-respecting person praise The Mantis. If that is not enough, consider this: 52% of people own pets. If you own a pet, can you not see the overall greatness of praising The Mantis? If you do not own a pet, you are already fully-obligated to praise The Mantis. As a non-pet owner, it is your duty. The Mantis has love for pet owners, but he has much more for those who do not own pets. Need more proof that praising The Mantis is the morally correct thing to do? Stick your finger up your nose, then pull the finger out. Can you see a greenish-muckus? Then you are completely obligated to praise The Mantis.
 What are the general rules of thumb to follow when praising The Mantis? Praise with a smile. The Mantis has no love for those who do not grin. Remember to always wear shoes. Those who do not are uncleansed, and need a bath. Praising The Mantis may not occur for more than a 24 hour basis per session. If the thought of not praising The Mantis or loss of relevence of why you are praising The Mantis occurs, praise The Mantis. This is the only known remedy for countering a lack of belief in The Mantis's ideals. If the thought of violence towards The Mantis ever occurs, EMIDEATELY begin praising The Mantis. If this does not occur, it is suggested to knock oneself out until the urge for violence towards The Mantis is gone. If at any time The Mantis personally speaks to you, do not be afraid. Accept the love. The Mantis has plenty to share. If you are ever in a near-death situation, it is advised to praise The Mantis, perhaps even twice in a row(if trapped in a hostage situation or other elongated situation, refer to rule #309 listed above, the "24 hour period" rule). Lastly, remember to always keep a steady stock of post-it notes with the "Praise The Mantis" reminder on all of them. These will prove useful when forgetfulness sets in.
These have been some very simple rules to follow for praising The Mantis. These are in no way the full list of rules, which you may find on our official website(www.praisethemantis.com). Remember, The Mantis has love for you, provided you praise him. Praise The Mantis.
...And that's how I saved most of eastern Europe on Easter.
-Grand Master Dragon
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