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Ash vs. Ash
-November 15th, 2001-
A war has finally begun. A small war, be it as it may, but a war nevertheless. Yes, that's right... as the year 2001 nearly comes to a close, the score is finally being settled. Between Ash and Ash.
Over the years, these two have managed to contain their differences. The War unofficially began as one of the sides reveiled himself in 1996, and for the most part, the OTHER side has been able to withhold his anger towards the other side since then. But it's November now, and things are gettin' crazy. Ash is calling out Ash, and Ash is calling out Ash. Things are about to get rowdy. The battle lines have been drawn, and the war has finally begun. But before the Battle of the Century begins, let's take an indepth look at the participants.
Name: Ash "Pokeballs" Ketchum
Occupation: Pocket Monsters Trainer
Prefered Weapon of Choice: Pikachu
Goals in life: TO BECOME A POKEMON MASTER AND... TO BECOME A POKEMON MASTER!
Battle Experience: "Fights" battles on a daily basis at the Kid's WB using monsters he collects in pocket-sized orbs. Current record: 6,873. No actual battle experience.
Ash #1 is one heck of a contender. Not only does he have to deal with a yellow mouse in his acting career on a daily basis, but he also deals with the problem that every childhood star has to go through at some point: puberty. Going through puberty while on camera can be a tough leap for many actors, but so far Mr.Ketchum is managing. His voice change is obviously being dubbed over by voice actors(which strangely doesn't seem very different on-screen), and the only noticable thing is his latest attraction to his co-star, Misty. It's been reported that scenes had to be redone as many as 23 times in one day due to our hero becoming "embarassed" while staring at the young woman.
Regardless, Ketchum has prevailed and shown that he's one tough cookie. While his contendant seems to gain an upperhand in the weapon's department, Ash backfired with a little extra firepower enhancement, curtosy of Nurse Joy. Soon after this "deal" went down, Nurse Joy was apprehended on charges of Illegal Sales of Firearms. But, our hero managed to get the help he needed.
Now he's got the power, but does he have the experience? Many sceptics would quickly turn judgement and say "All the kid's ever done is order his sla-errr... Pet Monsters to do things, he has none!". Think harder, Sceptics, for Ash has seen far more monstrosities than you could possibly imagine, and lived through all. While his opponent has fought the unspeakable horrors of the undead known as Deadites, Ash has battled with nameless creatures that are niether living nor dead... not a soul knows exactly what they are. The following images are not for the squimish, so please turn your head away now if you have a loose stomach.
 
I believe the pictures speak for themselves. This poor boy has been through alot, and although his bio seems to say otherwise, he's probably one of the toughest men on the face of the earth. And although he doesn't recieve as many of the chicks as his competitor, he does get to see alot of boobs while filming his current on-going project.
Name: Ashley "Ash" J. Williams
Occupation: S-Mart Employee, Housewares
Prefered Weapon of Choice: Chainsaw, combined with 12 gauge shotgun
Goals in life: To get promoted, to become Employee of the Month again, to stay alive, to stay away from anything with the words "Necro", "Nomicon", "Book of", and "The Dead" in it
Battle Experience: Fought through three movies and one game's worth of undead creatures, battled his girlfriend, his hand, and himself to the death, fought a war against several hundred Skeletons
...Ash has real battle experience. One has to admit, the demonic things that his enemy fought were just plain insane, but what Ash has been through is far worse. He's chopped up his girlfriend with a chainsaw. He's battled a giant tree inside of a cabin. He's been kicked in the balls by Skeletons. The poor guy had to cut his possessed hand off and fight it for God's sake. He's been through hell and back, and somehow throughout all of it managed to revive the word "groovy" amung select Gamers everywhere, found the simplicity in laughing desk lamps, and gave the term "Hail to the king" a new meaning. Not only that, but he has action figures. ACTION FIGURES.
Does his opponent have action figures? Well... yeah. Alot, actually. But that's beside the point. Throughout his trials, Ash has made himself a proclaimed Demi-God amung dateless Gamers and avid Horror Movie Watchers everywhere. His enemy? A hero to children everywhere. While Ash doesn't have the youth marketability that his contender does, he's got the 13-30 year-old male's hooked like Salmon. And that's a big age/gender group in this day and age, folks.
Ash, unlike his nemesis, has women, too. Leeching on to him like margarine to a dry wall.
Only downside is, only one of these ladies have ever survived. It's tough fighting The Undead and keeping a steady/alive girlfriend, yes. But Ash tries.
Who will win? Only time will tell. It seems that at the moment both seem to be occupied with watching old reruns of Pokemon and Jack of All Trades, so a sort of truce is currently in effect. And coming from experience in rerun-watching, it could be awhile before we see any actual action. Which Ash is there only enough room for? The world may never know.
-Grand Master Dragon
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